Give children respect and appreciate their compliance to end fear-based discipline

Many of us are aware of the traditional authoritarian style of parenting where we were asked to perform tasks as told by our parents and even got punished with strict discipline methods if stepped out of line. Yet we were loved by them and no doubt they did the best that they could in their capacity. Yet, many of the parents of today’s scenario are creating a completely new way of parenting which is the opposite of authoritarian parenting i.e. permissive parenting.Kids nowadays are found to be demanding and responsive as parents do not set limits or are very inconsistent in enforcing boundaries. Many parents even prioritize their child’s temporary happiness above everything else giving rise to a newly added term in town Permissive Parenting.

It means that the parent’s lack of boundaries puts their child at risk which is quite different from listening to and respecting the child’s perspective. Gentle parenting is not a researched or studied parenting style. Children need boundaries, rules and effective discipline to grow. Any parenting method that lacks these elements is permissive parenting. Any parent who refrains from discipline to be liked does no good to their kid in the long run but trains them in poor habits that can hinder them into their adulthood.

Since ages, children have been proven to thrive best with clear boundaries that are reasonable and are held with kindness and love while on the contrary, permissive parenting can feel good as one is giving their child everything in unlimited amounts without any questions attached. As a parent, the best thing one can do is to work on healing trauma, so that one can set boundaries and at the same time the love and affection develop them into a responsible and respectful adult.Numerous studies have found that uninvolved parenting affects a child's self-confidence. Over time such type of parenting can create more ruptures in the parent-child relationship and leave a feeling of frustration. If one focuses only on keeping the child content at the moment, they may not learn the important boundaries and responsibilities that are essential for their development.

Also, children raised in such an atmosphere may struggle with self-discipline and may also face difficulty following rules in schools or other settings of life. They may also face problems with authority figures and struggle to understand the importance of boundaries. Lack of guidance and discipline can also hinder their development of important life skills, such as problem-solving and decision-making.

Remember, when we can be mindful to make sure that the children know they are safe and loved no matter what, then one can begin imparting the wisdom of obedience. One needs to normalise treating children like humans, giving them respect, seeking collaboration over compliance ending fear-based discipline and most importantly be clear that respectful parenting is not permissive parenting. One should not be afraid to be the strict one when the other parent chooses to be permissive and enabling. The children need at least one parent to prepare them for adulthood.

(The writer is an educator; views are personal)